Funny-quotes.eu

A collection of funny quotes, sayings, famous people thoughts and great jokes about life and love, marriage and relationships, work and money, men and women, education and science, war and politics, and many more. You can find a lot of cool free phrases and humorous sayings to send them by email, sms message to your friends or post on Facebook wall. Very popular funny quotes are written by famous people and will help you to make your best friend's day. All following topics are presented in alphabetical order. If you are looking for funny facts about people, animals, USA or drinink, you can find a lot of them in our webiste. Some cool funny pictures are waiting for you as well. Hope you have lots of fun!

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Funny quotes about politics


What keeps politicians in office - is the short memories of voters.

Politicians and diapers should be changed frequently.


Funny quotes about people


The people who know the least - always have the most to say.

I am nobody. And nobody is perfect. It means - I am perfect!


Funny quotes about money


I'm one step away from being rich. All I need is money.

I HATE mathematics, but i LOVE counting money!



Funny quotes about marriage


5 words for a successful marriage: I'm sorry - it's my fault...

I won't marry again. I will find an ugly woman and just give her a house.


Funny quotes about love


To love is like to be stupid together.

Love is blind but my neighbors are not.


Funny life quotes


Life is divided into two stages: in first, there is no mind, in second - no health.

In the book of life, you can't find answers in the back.


Funny quotes about learning


I learn from the mistakes of others people who take my advices!

I learn something useful new every day. But I forget 5 other thing...


Funny quotes about men


Men never grow up. They just get bigger!

A woman without a man is like a fish without skates.


Funny quotes about women


No man knows more about women than I do. I know nothing.

I have enough clothes and shoes. I don't like to go shopping. - Said no woman ever



Funny quotes about being lazy


Just do it! But tomorrow...

Hard work pays only in the future, laziness pays off today!


Funny work quotes


My list of work that I've accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments list...

If you arrive late at the office, try to fix it by leaving early.


Funny quotes about homework


Time time flies so fast when I'm avoiding homework...

Moment of disappointment - when you can't find the answers to your homework on Google.


Funny quotes about high school


College graduation speech: "I'd like to thank the Internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Office and especially - Copy-Paste..."

People who never did homework in high school are still doing that in the real world.


Funny quotes about New Year


My last New Year's resolution was to lose 30 kg this year. Only 35 kg to go!!!

If you are born in September, it's obvious that your parents started their New Year with a Bang!


Funny quotes about health


Eat well, stay fit and ... die anyway!

Be careful when reading health books, because you can die of a misprint.


Funny quotes about God


I have got nothing against God. I just can't stand his fan club!

God can't be everywhere, so he made mothers.


Funny quotes about getting older


You are never too old to learn something stupid.

All diseases run into one - old age.


Funny quotes about friends


Love is blind. Friendship tries not to notice.

Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be bastards!


Funny quotes about family


Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a musician.

I don't need any enemies. I have a family already!


Funny iphone quotes


My iPhone is broken. I've pushed the HOME button but I'm still at work!

My girlfriend is like a new iPhone, because I don't have one...


Funny quotes about stupid people


I was lost in thought. It was such an unfamiliar territory...
God loves stupid people, because he made so many of them!


Funny quotes about studying



About research: stealing ideas from one person is plagiarism. Stealing from many people - research.


About studying: I believe the word 'studying' was made from two words 'students dying'...

In morning,we say we will study at night and at night,we say we will study in morning..
Submited by: Ramsha


Funny quotes about smoking


One cigarette per day keeps the doctor with pay.


Be nice to the smoking ones... Every cigarette may be their last.


Funny quotes about being single


I think... therefore I'm a single man!

Yes, I am single. But... I'm not available.


Growing up funny quotes


Boys never grow up. Just their toys are getting bigger and bigger!

I haven't changed. I just see things differently now.


Funny quotes about girls


I hate when girls reply to me hey instead of i love you too when i say hi ...

Submited by: Ankit Singh

I never thought I would laugh again... But then I saw your new girlfriend!


Funny quotes about Facebook


I had a dream to read other people's minds. Then I joined Facebook...!

Facebook is the way for adults to have imaginary friends.


Funny quotes about efficiency


In theory, everything works.

Well done is always better than just well said.


Funny quotes about education


Education is what remains after you have forgotten everything you learned in school.

It is a miracle how curiosity survives formal education.


Funny quotes about drinking


When wine enters, secrets come out.

I'm not drunk, I'm just exhausted from drinking.


Funny quotes about death


You can't get out of life alive.

I intend to live forever. Or to die trying!


Funny Christmas quotes


I don't believe in Santa because no white dude would come into my district at night.

There was only one Christmas - the others are just anniversaries.


Children funny quotes


Love is free, but the diapers are expensive...

If your child is happy, don't try to make him happier!


Birthday funny quotes


Oh, it's your birthday today?! Thank you, Facebook!

I drink only on 2 occasions. When it's my birthday and when... it's not!


Beer funny quotes


Beer is the only answer. And I don't care what the question is!

Beer is a proof that God loves you and wants you to be happy!


Funny bad people quotes


A person like you is the reason why other people have middle fingers!

It's better to be alone than in bad company.


Funny quotes about alcohol


Money can't buy happiness but it can buy alcohol.

Here is a toast to alcohol! To the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.


Funny quotes about annoying people


Life would be much easier if I could mark people as spam.

Annoying person - who asks you again if you don't reply to email within seconds.